Archive for October, 2010

I'm 22, in college, trying to make it doing tis pre med thing, but my GPA is low so I'm sure I'll fail. I haven't taken a shower in a few days and look and feel like crap, pimples all over my face and my hair messed up. I don't have money. My parents and I am poor, so that makes things worse. I want a boyfriend but all guys want is ***** sex ***** and I'm tired of it. I want love and affection and something real. I'm tired of life and this world, it all seems like hard work with no reward and I dont want to deal with it anymore. I pray to God to help me, but he must not care since I am still stuck in this ***** hole. I envy and dispise rich people, they have it so easy just go and buy whatever they want when they want and can escape the world by taking a vacation to the bahamas. I am not so lucky. I also have health problems. Why did God do this to me, someone that NEEDS money is so poor and failing at life. How can I have faith in him when others have it so easy and some of those people don't give a ***** about others either? I wish i was never born or born to someone who could have given me what i needed in life.

Everytime I feel this way I have suicidal ideation, so I'm thinking one of these days maybe years form now, if things don't start looking up soon, It will be very likely I will in fact kill myself. It always seems to be the only way out esp when the world is only getting harder and harder to deal with.